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| Hello, friends. It's been a while, and I think we can all say that. I just checked it out and I have had this lovely little space for almost 4 years now. It's been a great way to share some really important times and events, and it's been key in keeping in touch with some really amazing people. All that said, my time has come to move on to other places. I will still come back, catch up, and say hello. From now on, you will find me here. Thanks for the past four years!
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| It's been a while. Since there are so many things to update, this is going to be jumbled. I'm sorry, but that's just how it has to be sometimes. Despite everything that has changed, there is a clear and comforting sign that almost everything has come full circle.
:: I have a new job. I start next Monday, and my last day at my current job is Wednesday. I will have been in this position for one year and one month, and I feel like it's time to move on. It's definitely bittersweet, but there were a lot of factors and situations that led to this decision and I no longer have any doubts about it. I learned a million things from this job, as a designer, a professional, and a person. If I stayed, I would continue to learn and grow, no doubt, but I'm not sure that I wanted to learn and grow in the ways I was. I will now be working for **** as an assistant e-commerce designer. Less responsibility, more money. The year ahead is sure to be interesting!
:: For our office Halloween party, my friend and I went as the Spartan cheerleaders. No one believes me that I jumped and screamed all night, but my sore calves and throat remind me that I definitely did. We made our costumes with the help of an awesome and talented friend. It was a great night and a good way to exit.
:: Grad school is out for now. It will stay safely tucked in the back of my mind for the time being as I transition jobs and try to figure out what to do with my life in the long run.
:: My friend and I went camping and had an amazing time. The only spots open were the "hike and camp" primitive sites, so we had to haul everything to our site. Then, when we went to put the tent up, the spikes were missing and a pole was broken. We ended up using the screwdrivers from my car repair kit and some curtain rods that were in my car. It was ghetto, but it worked. We had hot apple cider over the campfire and quite frankly, we had an amazing time!
:: Tonight is the last home game for the Crew. My summer and fall have been heavily influenced by my introduction into the world of MLS and the people in it. I was brave enough to talk to a certain player who I find unnaturally attractive (you have no idea), and of course, just in time for the end of the season. A few weeks ago, I also passed up the chance to hang out with David Beckham after a game. Yep. It was fun while it lasted, for sure.
:: My car is rumbling along, but barely. Four guys worked on it for an hour and a half and couldn't figure out what is wrong with it. So, with the new job I am thinking about buying a car. I'm looking at Jettas. Any suggestions?
:: It has come to my attention lately that we deal too much in romance. I am all about romance, but not when it is blinding. I've noticed my own tendency to be so into the idea of someone or something that I ignore the trouble spots. Then, when those things don't go away, or when they magnify, I am left with the truth that was there all along. I've noticed a lot of people romancing religion, too. People get so caught up in healing and wonders, but then do things in their day-to-day lives that don't fit their religious views. If a god can heal sick people (who eventually die anyway, because we all do) but can't change a person in the day to day, on the most basic level, I don't want anything to do with him. In conversations, I can't help but wish that people would shift their focus from the angels and look at the life right in front of their lives. In my own life, I need to be a little more honest with myself when I approach new things and people.
:: I feel like a lot of things are leaving my life right now, and I'm really going to miss a lot of them. The good thing is that when things are stripped away, new things can fill the spaces left behind. Here's to the new...
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| Chapter 2, wherein the narrator reveals more than anticipated.
The last two weeks have been pretty intense. I did move forward with my plan, and in the process, everything else changed.
I took my GRE two weeks ago. I didn't study (apparently, there are books for those who sign up more than a week before the test), and my results aren't great. That said, I'm still going to pursue Grad school and attempt to get my Masters in Communications or Journalism (but plan to stay in the graphic design field) in the next one or two years. That is plan A.
In the midst of working on this while trying to keep it quiet from everyone at work, I found out that my company is about to lay off several people. I still can't even talk about it on here, but a huge weight is on my shoulders right now. I know every detail: who, when, why, etc (and I'm not supposed to). I have to face these people every day and know what is about to happen. On top of that, my own position isn't exactly stable. I'm finding out more and more about just how unstable it is, so now I am trying to prepare for whatever may or may not be next. Eventually, I will be able to say more. For now, let's just say that I feel like I am about to sell my soul. A means to an end.
My apartment has been a lively place. One night, a woman pulled into our lot and took out four parked cars (one was an SUV) with her little convertible. She hit right where I always park my car, and that was the first time I hadn't parked there in a very long time. Two nights later, there were gunshots when a cop tried to shoot the tires of an oncoming car. So much for living in a quiet, small town.
To balance all of the stress, the people in my life have been amazing. One night, two friends and I sat in the misty rain and drank coffee and talked for a couple of hours under a neon "Open" sign. It was one of those perfect moments. I had a really great lunch with my boss in a hidden cafe downtown. A friend and confidant at work has been an amazing support, writing cryptic emails and sneaking down to our cars when the news is too much to hold in. There was a birthday party that left me with a hurting face and a few new friends. Another friend is helping me out with the next step. All of these people are helping me move forward and just get through, whether they realize it or not. If my next steps take me away, I'm going to miss some really great things here.
PS: Martha: I cannot put these books down. I am holding you partly responsible, so thank you! | | |
| It has occurred to me that the thought of moving forward and the thought of staying still are equally terrifying. So, I'm moving forward. Less than five minutes ago I pressed the submit button on something that will undoubtedly change my life.
You have to kill your darlings. I think every artist and designer knows this phrase all too well (in fact, it was the headline in a design magazine I picked up tonight). It means letting go, usually with a bit of pain and sacrifice. It doesn't even give a hint of return or justification, although there is always some sort of rebirth. I have realized lately that I've been holding onto a lot of very safe things, and now it's time to let them go. So, with my job, my security, home and friends here, I'm looking at the next step, terrified and yet, excited.
In the midst of these decisions and bold moves forward, I went to my friend's house last night. I was tired and honestly, it would have been easier to just crash at home. I threw on some comfortable clothes and drove over anyway. She lives close to the downtown area, in a neighborhood that is either okay or scary (we haven't decided yet). We sat on her brick and cement front porch in the dark, watching the people and the cars, the flickering lights in windows. It was peaceful and happy, despite the fact that I am heartbroken at even the mere thought of putting distance in the friendship. Some people are just meant to be there for each other. For the night, we were young, it was summer and life could work itself out later. There is an overwhelming sense that things will be okay and possibly, ever so possibly, better.
Twenty four hours later, a much needed downpour has pushed everyone inside. The grass has magically turned from crunchy brown to dewy green. I decided to do laundry tonight, highly anticipating the smell of the warm fabric softener. Instead, I got the mingled smells of fabric softener, cigarette smoke, and pot from the apartment across the hall. I am trying not to be bitter. It's hard to be angry on a rainy Friday evening, with the warm glows of televisions and lamps behind every window. I promise to keep you updated as things progress. For now, enjoy the weekend. I hope you are all cozy and loved in your various parts of the world. | | |
| I'm like a kid on crack.
After tracking down a provider and working out the installation details (and talking to a heavily accented man until 11:30 last night on tech support), I have the internet back in my life. I stayed up until 1:00, eyes stinging, the alarm clock only hours away...creating my Flickr page. Do I need a Flickr page? No. But at the time, it seemed vital.
That said, an update will be coming soon. Hope everyone is well! | | |
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